Running Into A Mental Block

I like to call it the land of nowhere. You don’t know what it is you’re feeling. Numb is too generic. Empty is too cliché. Nothing is coming out yet you feel like you’re brimming at the seams, all the feelings waiting to burst out. You try meditating. You try drinking. You try working on your hobbies. Nothing is working. You’re just…stuck.

This isn’t one of the times that could be resolved by naming things around the room in the color of the rainbow. Or saying the alphabet backwards. Or doing breathes.

90% of the time, crying helps. You just need a deep and long cry and the next day, everything will be better. But these damn tears won’t come out. The songs don’t help. No memories want to surface. All I want to do is sleep.

Usually it fades away by itself and there is no harm, no foul. But there are days when it conflicts what you really want. When you want to feel but yet you can’t. Visually, its like trying to start a fire and seeing a small spark but only to see it fade away. You want to be annoyed but you’re also too tired to do it.

Maybe one day I can update this blog with a resolution I find.